Like any couple in love, Dennis, Grace walk down the aisle

By Volt Contreras

HE digs the �oldies,� she hums the top 10. He likes checkered shirts; she hates them. He's mad about action-packed computer games; she's cozy with Solitaire. But an odd couple they're not. They both like things blue. Each finds the other patient, yet seloso (prone to jealousy). And both have spent their lives on crutches fitted with wheels, right up to the altar where they exchanged marriage vows. A man and a woman born with cerebral palsy and who have been waging an advocacy for persons with disabilities (PWD) tied the knot yesterday at the Our Lady of Lourdes Shrine in Quezon City, allowing the Inquirer to take part in the celebration and help them spread a simple message to and in behalf of other PWDs. "Don't focus on our disability but on what we can do," said the groom, Dennis Ilagan, 42, vice president of the Cerebral Palsy Association of the Philippines (CPAP). "[Our marriage] can be considered a culmination of what we've been fighting for: Mainstreaming," he said in an interview hours before the 3 p.m. wedding.

One aspect of mainstreaming is enabling PWDs to "have families of their own without depending too much on friends and family," Dennis explained.

In a separate interview, the bride, 29-year-old Ludivina Grace Salazar, said: "We will live on our own and try to live as normally as possible."

Cementing the bond

Dennis and Grace have actually been wed in a civil ceremony.

But at yesterday's church wedding, Grace sounded like any other nervous bride plagued by last-minute worries. (Digressing at one point, she lamented: "Our cameraman is still missing!")

Grace said their being both seloso was one of the reasons they decided to get married before a judge in Manila on Aug. 24 last year.

In four days, Dennis was to fly to Denmark for nine weeks of training on how to run advocacy programs for PWDs. He was one of two Filipinos sponsored by a Danish organization.

They just wanted to cement their bond, knowing each would be out of the other's sight for nine weeks, Grace said.

The two first met at a CPAP function and became sweethearts in 2001. He was the group's president, and she the public relations officer.

The way Grace recalled it, their courtship followed a familiar route: "We often ended up being seated next to each other" during meetings, and fellow CPAP officers often teased them as a destined pair.

And then, on Oct. 15, 2001, "he popped the question and my answer also came in a snap," she said.

'Slowness of movement'

Dennis' condition impaired both of his legs and his right arm; Grace's mainly affected her legs.

According to Dennis, cerebral palsy is basically a kind of paralysis resulting from a lack of oxygen in the parts of the brain responsible for motor functions. It often occurs before or shortly after birth.

The resulting "spasticity of the muscles" makes the performance of most daily activities very difficult, he said.

Thus, "slowness of movement" is the main cause of the hardships faced by those afflicted-or other PWDs, for that matter-in their struggle to go mainstream by attaining higher education, finding jobs, or simply taking part in normal social functions.

For example, the 13 members of the CPAP board of directors can be considered employable, "but only five of them have jobs right now," Dennis said.

Of the organization's membership of around 250 (covering Metro Manila and chapters in Davao, Iloilo and Pangasinan), he would consider around 50 to be fit for employment befitting their education, but only about 1 percent have jobs.

An economics graduate of the University of Sto. Tomas, Dennis works for Delivering Hope for Spasticity Inc., of which he is the executive director.

The nongovernment organization basically engages in neuro-rehabilitation therapy for persons with cerebral palsy and stroke victims.

Finding romance

But if PWDs need all the support they can get from Dennis' NGO and the like, they don't need help when it comes to finding romance, Grace seemed to suggest.

"We are opposites in many things," the psychology graduate of Trinity College said of herself and her man. "We started out as friends until [feelings] developed into a beautiful relationship."

For all their differences in taste and the usual lovers' quarrels they have had, "he has brought out the best in me," she said, smiling. "He knows how to handle me when I'm down and whenever I have my sumpong (moods)."

Grace described Dennis as a lover of few words who reserved his sweetest nothings for those moments when they were alone together.

He lived up to that image during the interview.

"She's very pretty, very sweet and very understanding," Dennis said of his bride. "We've known each other well, we've accepted one another."

Like any average couple, he said, they expected to face the early tests of marriage starting with matters financial.

Thankfully, both of them are employed: He at his NGO, and she at another nonprofit organization, the Philippine Cerebral Palsy Inc., where she is part of the medical staff.

Unconditional love

At the wedding ceremony, a number of the guests-about 15 PWDs among them-were teary-eyed when Grace walked down the aisle.

The officiating priest, Rev. Fred Micua, said that while many people might doubt the wisdom of the couple in marrying, in the eyes of God they were "more whole" than most normal people.

He likened their decision to live as husband and wife, despite the challenges posed by their condition, to "the love that God gives us unconditionally."

As far as she knew, said Jean Gonzales, one of the godparents and current vice president of the Philippine Association of Citizens with Developmental and Learning Disabilities, the Ilagans are the first PWD couple in the country to marry.

The wedding reception was held at the residence of another of the godparents on Kanlaon Street near the church, according to the bride's aunt, Leonora Gonzales. With a report from Kris Bayos

Yup! They finally had their CHURCH Wedding!

The members of our batch that attended were I, Jun Meneses, Arbel �Bong� Mondonedo, Sonny Borja and Gilbert Jimenez. We were all really proud to see him walk down the aisle with Grace. Gilbert will be sending us some pictures of the wedding so that we can post it in our website.

The couple got an apartment in Teacher�s Village, QC where they will live for now ALL BY THEMSELVES (silang dalawa lang). This isn�t an easy feat considering their CP Condition; but they wouldn�t have it any other way.

Cheers to the new couple! May God always be the center of their marriage!

Boom